Our journey to conceive our second child wasn’t as quick as our first. With our first we tried for a year, my gynecologist said I had endometriosis, I needed surgery, and then we would start Clomid. Easy peasy… we were pregnant after our first month of Clomid. Liam was born March 2012.
I had my birth control removed about a month before our son turned one in January 2013. I wanted my kids close in age, so we started trying right away. I lost some weight, I was healthy, I was back on my supplements, and I stocked up on ovulation tests. I just KNEW things would be easier this time around. It just had to be. Six months and again, nothing. I went back to the doctor and she suggested starting Clomid. I thought to myself, “Perfect!! Five little pills and I’ll be pregnant.” Cycle day 21… I started bleeding. Then we tried again, cycle day 16… I started bleeding. I knew that these cycle lengths weren’t long enough. It continued to happen three more times.
Over the next 3 years, we tried every over the counter supplement and few prescription medications. I was also lucky enough to be diagnosed with PCOS (yay for hair loss and dark facial hair!!). We met with a reproductive endocrinologist and never went back. I felt her recommendation was drastic and cost way more than we had saved. It was emotionally draining, but we kept on going.
June 2016, my cycle was a day late. I took a test. I couldn’t believe my eyes… 2 PINK LINES! I was crying. That afternoon I went to the book store. I got a “Big Brother” book and a “Mom’s pregnant” book. I wrote a little note in each book. When my husband got home that evening, I had my son hand him the books and ask for story time. We cried, we hugged, and our son was beyond excited to finally be a big brother. I remember panicking because the nursery was a mess… we only had 9 months to get things ready! Not long after, all excitement was gone. I was at work when I noticed the blood. I lost my baby. The baby that we wanted more than anything. The baby my son had been begging for. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I decided I was done. The hurt was too much, we didn’t have money to see an RE, and I felt like I had no support moving forward.
Then one day I was browsing Facebook, like I do so often, and an event popped up in one of my mom groups. It was sponsored by the non-profit organization, Conceive Nebraska. They were holding a free educational event with a medical professional from a local RE’s office. My husband and I decided to check it out. We were the only couple to show up, but the information provided was much needed. I also met some awesome ladies that had dealt with infertility, just like me. It was the first time I had ever spoke about my struggles with anyone besides my doctor, my husband, and my mom.
Over the next few months I become more active in the organization. I started counseling to help me deal with my miscarriage. I changed jobs so I would have better health coverage to get to the bottom of my fertility issues. We saved up a chunk of money for medications and procedures. We met with a new RE on Valentine’s Day 2017 (very romantic… nothing like an internal ultrasound and blood draws to start this special day). This was four years after our journey began. After testing and 2 rounds of IUI with injectable meds, I was pregnant with my rainbow baby. Nolan turned one in February.
After this long, emotional journey, I learned a couple things. 1) Don’t give up too quickly 2) Get a second opinion if you question anything your doctor says 3) It’s okay to not be okay… get help and talk to someone 4) Tell your story, you don’t know how much it can help someone else struggling with the same thing.