Imagine this, another visibly pregnant woman with a young girl holding her hand. They are laughing and enjoying their time walking along the park path. The woman stops, puts her hand on her belly and smiles a wistful smile. Your eyes connect and immediately you are filled with anger, a deep sadness, and a twinge of jealousy. You begin judging this woman for a life you can only a dream of. Why is the universe so cruel? She already has a child and yet here she is walking around with her giant belly, sticking it in your face that she is fertile and you are not. The judgments keep coming….
…. but before you judge too harshly, know this, that pregnant woman with the little girl is me. What you see as “another pregnant woman” is really warrior who battled infertility for 12 years, had a successful IVF, then battled secondary infertility with 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth before going through all the steps of IVF again to get to this point. My little girl is my miracle baby who took 12 year-12years! -to get. We battled effects of undiagnosed cancer in my husband and him being treated like a lab rat, a surgery that brought complications, and when we finally had enough, my own symptoms appeared with the outcome of losing the right side of my reproductive system. They said pregnancy was impossible. We were living on teacher and electricians’ salaries and fertility treatments were out of the question. And yet, we pursued, we believed, we saved, and prayed.
And here I am. Pregnant and afraid to tell the community I have leaned on and come to love. This is what happens friends when you find yourself part of a community that shares a common goal-ours to get pregnant-and then when one of you achieves that goal, there is another sense of shame, betrayal, and heartache that comes with your dreams coming true. My hope in telling this chapter of my story is that we can begin to realize that through the hurting, we can take a look at how we respond to those around us who get pregnant and either continue to encourage them or begin to think about our how our actions can produce positivity instead of negativity.
Love you friends and praying for your next chapter to come soon!